Over the last couple of months, I’ve drawn the Queen of Wands about ten times. After similar experiences in the past, I know Soul has big lessons in store when it keeps reminding me about a lesson in feminine leadership I’m learning by showing one card over and over. It’s as if Soul tells me: “Hey, hello! I’m trying to catch your attention! Hello!!” So I did an automatic writing session to find out what she was trying to tell me.
Oh crap, leadership
When you look up the Queen of Wands in my book Tarot Guide for Beginners, the General Theme: Feminine Leadership, is the first thing you see.
When I asked my husband what the thing was with leadership for me, he didn’t have to think long. “Confrontation,” he said. “You’re afraid of confronting people.” #micdrop. I instantly understood what he meant.
I’ve struggled with this for years. It resulted in trying to be friendly when I was fed up, and sometimes the frustration seeped through my words. Passive aggressive, anyone?
My business leadership is no problem. But in my part-time jobs, I’ve struggled a lot. In my current position, where I’m almost a year, I also noticed the same thing happening. Again. It frustrated me, and I wondered if I was in the right place. But this week, I found out why. It was about telling myself I don’t know anything about technical stuff. In reality, I’m far from technically skilled, and I often have no clue what these people are talking about.
Studying the Queen of Wands and my Akashic Record helped me.
I don’t have to know it.
I realized that I would never be able to catch on to the level of knowledge of these people. And you know… I don’t have to. They are experts in their field, and I am an expert in mine. That’s why they hired me.
You’re not here to think.
Over the last few weeks, leadership has been very present in my conversation with other women. As most of them are about the same age, we’ve all started our careers somewhere in the eighties, and most of them had similar experiences as I have.
Back then, 99% of leadership positions were filled by men. From what I saw, women had a distinctly supporting role. They were secretaries or assistants. The thought of supporting a woman taking on a man’s job was almost unheard of, and you had to be very strong to do it anyway. I was a management assistant. I listened to what happened around me and read what they gave me to type. At some point, I knew when certain things were against policy, so I would remark on it when I gave them their work back. My inner Queen of Wands couldn’t keep quiet.
It resulted in confrontations in the yearly assessment where my opinion, even how carefully chosen, wasn’t appreciated, and I got low marks because of it (and no raises either). One of my male co-workers told me at some point: “You’re not here to think; you’re here to type.”
The idea that my opinion doesn’t count lead me for a long time. But you know, it happened around 1989 or 1990! That’s 32 years. Time to let that crap go!
I researched feminine leadership and found that it was something different than women in leadership. I also studied my Akashic Record and found more references to leadership than I thought.
I found in my record that I am “in the trenches” of promoting consciousness and change on a soul level. I acknowledged that in everything I do. My jobs and businesses have been and still are all about bringing change and improvement. The same thing with my book and blogs. It’s what I do in this world. I guess I’m doing my Akashic Record even more than I thought!
After my not-so-successful management assistant job, I got an opportunity in quality assurance, and I still do that. Even though I’ve had other jobs in between, they all focused on creating change. If I can’t improve anything, there’s no fun for me to do that job.
One thing I stumbled over in the description of what they call a Blueprint Deliverer (the official title for a change-maker) was that I need to be aware of people who are not open to change. It was compared with the saying leading a dead horse to water, which is a challenge (quite impossible, actually).
I’ve tried to lead many dead horses to water in the past, but slowly I’m starting to learn to recognize how dead horses “smell,” and boy, oh boy, it is bringing me so much freedom in what I teach in my metaphysical practice.
A beginning and an end to feminine leadership
What I am learning and what the Queen of Wands is all about is knowing everyone has freedom of choice. I do, but the people I work with do as well. In this case, freedom means respecting everyone’s freedom of choice.
When I advise making specific changes in work processes or implementing compliance with certain laws, it is their freedom to put it aside if they feel it’s better to make a different decision. I will do my best to convince them, but ultimately, I’m not responsible for the decision.
This week I embraced the Queen of Wands and gave a bunch of advice from her energy. I was friendly and decisive and explained possible consequences. I must say that I expected a discussion (because there had been before), but to my surprise, they accepted the advice. I still have to see what they “bake” of it, but I think I clarified the consequences.
Leave responsibilities where they belong.
Feminine leadership is not only leaving responsibility where it belongs; it also means that I communicate in unambiguous words. Maybe I’ve learned to recognize those dead horses before they’re dead! In another situation, I advised revitalizing a project put on hold to ensure another risk in the organization would be solved over the next few years. Another positive reply. 😯
It’s like the online videos: “I was years old when I understood this hack.” I used to be insecure about what I did, but I’m starting to see how to do this. This week was essential in this change.
Feminine leadership is not about being afraid of confrontation. It’s about knowing your boundaries, a bunch of clear communication, and leaving the ultimate responsibility for the decision where it belongs. It becomes frustrating when I make myself responsible for someone else’s decisions. The freedom…
For the first time in my career, I don’t feel frustrated about my job. It’s because I am free to choose as well. Instead of becoming frustrated, I have a choice to be a true change-maker based on my leadership skills with courage, a big heart, and a healthy ambition (see Tarot Guide for Beginners, page 181.)
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