Do you feel stuck? Drop the fight.

Do you feel stuck? Drop the fight.

It sucks when you feel stuck, right? Been there, done that, still doing it. Sometimes.

But this year, things have happened. I feel less and less stuck, even to the point that when I got a journal prompt a few weeks ago to write about something in my life that I felt unhappy with, I could not think of anything to write. This experience surprised me. I hadn’t noticed yet how well I was doing, now that I’ve made a few reality shifts that are helping me live a more aligned life.

Do you feel stuck? Drop the fight

Now, don’t think that something miraculous has happened here because there are new things to think about and new things to chew on, but I can’t categorize them as feeling stuck.

Drawing cards when you feel stuck

When I felt stuck in the past, I’d get my tarot cards and would do reading upon reading to find out what was going on. I wasn’t looking for a solution. All I wanted was to know what was going on – to understand myself and why I did what I did. But I thought that if I’d understand myself, that a solution would come along in its own sweet time. I was looking for a solution blindfolded while turning away from the dawn behind me.

And even though I knew that there must be a solution or an answer somewhere, I also knew I didn’t have it. Yet. I was going to find it. Sooner rather than later. Since I didn’t have it yet, I felt stuck.

Do you feel stuck? Drop the Fight

Eight of Swords

This behavior is based on what we find in the meaning of the Eight of Swords. The character doesn’t know that to find the answer or the solution to a problem, you need to let go of what is blinding you and turn toward what you desire. It is the simplest and, at the same time, the hardest thing in the world, and you can only learn how it feels when you do it. But since I didn’t know this yet and felt a lot of resistance, I could not imagine how it would feel. I couldn’t see it.

Feeling stuck doesn’t feel right. You focus on what you don’t have. You don’t have a relationship with the cute person, you don’t have a steady income, and you don’t have the weight you’d like to have. Just a few of the “tiny” issues I’ve been chewing on over the last few decades. All I could see was what I lacked.

Lacking guidance because you feel stuck

Last week, in a tarot community, I saw someone request insight into the cards she pulled and how she felt stuck. She’d pulled about ten cards and could not see the guidance through the overload of information. Suddenly I saw what I had done all those years of obsessively trying to find an answer to my questions. It was lack all over. I couldn’t see the perspective of the situation to give myself what I needed, but most of all: I didn’t take action on the guidance I got from the cards.

A journey of experiences and adventures

When you start a journey of experiences and adventures, there is so much to learn (remember the Fool?) You don’t know anything yet, because you can’t know yet. You’ve just started this cycle (this new life, new reality), and you stand there and are inexperienced. It’s easy to focus on what you don’t have instead of meeting all your blocks and restrictions head-on. Noticing how you lack in problem-solving, you meet all kinds of emotions, feelings, and beliefs. As you’re starting, we all know how damned hard it is to face a situation without the tools or skills to solve it.

I’m not sure how it works for you, but I must have been a pit bull in one of my other lives. I bite myself into the situation and don’t give up. I fight it. Chew on it, and I don’t let it go. This may have also developed into mild obsessive behavior where I just could not let go of what I wanted (and what I lacked).

Related: How your story keeps you stuck

What do you do when you feel stuck?

Doing all those readings didn’t provide me with clear guidance from the cards. When you only focus on how you hurt and how you feel stuck in that area of your life, your cards will project it. Or, when you do draw some cards that cast a positive feeling, you sigh with relief and tell yourself that “all will be well.” But what do you DO? Do you take action when you feel stuck? Looking back, I did not take enough action. It was hard to do it because I came from stuckness.

The most comfortable action I always felt was to do another tarot card reading. I now see that was not bringing me closer to a solution that aligned with who I am. Doing reading after reading without taking action manifested more of the undesired situation: more dates with frogs that wanted a kiss on the first date (ew!), more bills that needed payment right away, and yes, also more excess weight. I wasn’t solving anything with my readings – I was prolonging my suffering.

How I shifted my reality twice

I have shifted my reality on all three aspects. While I found the bestest (superlative degree of best) man globally over a decade ago, I made two major reality shifts over the last year.

In November 2019, I suffered from a business that wasn’t bringing in enough money. I felt so stuck in what I was doing that I couldn’t even bring myself to acquire more clients for my consulting services (180 degrees different from what I do on this website). Secretly, it was what I’m doing now that I wanted to do. But I didn’t allow myself to do it. What would everybody think of me?


My beliefs, which were proven repeatedly, were that every time I’d present a new client with a quote, they’d start to whine about having another quote from someone else who was willing to do the job for $5 an hour less. It frustrated me to hell and back. Did they want to hire an excellent consultant or what? No need to say that with this attitude, I didn’t get new clients because I may have pissed off one or two of them with a snarky remark.

When I got the opportunity to get a really lovely, well-paying job, I noticed how all doubt and stuckness fell away, and I jumped straight in. No additional thinking was needed. I’m still super happy there, and I’m learning so much about myself! Most of all, the job allows me to slowly build this business without worrying about a tax bill ever again.

Second shift

The second shift came about five months later, right after COVID-19 started. I had too much time on my hands, and all I did was struggle with my eating habits. I knew these habits were not about the food, but because of a deeper issue. So I asked a soul-based mindset mentor to work with me on my beliefs. At some point, she asked me if I was willing to drop the fight.

I was shocked. How could she suggest that I was going to give up this fight? It was the same as giving up. So I texted her: no fucking way. I again felt the same twitch in my head as if something shifted the moment I sent it. I thought: “Dropping the fight is not giving up. When I drop the fight, I allow myself to relax and still want it.” A vast calm came over me. I can still desire to weigh less, but I ward off all solutions when I keep fighting it because I focus on the lack instead of what I do have and what I can do. Just minutes before that, I had been telling myself that I could never be healthy. That’s a shift, right?

What happened next

Since then, I’ve even given up my diet. Even though I did gain a few pounds, I now notice how I’m settling into a healthy routine with more freedom and more possibilities than all the things I wasn’t allowed to eat. I created a lot of stress in my body, mind, and soul because I told myself I could never have joyful food ever again. I’m much (much!) happier than I’ve been in years and well worth a couple of pounds.

Drop the fight when you feel stuck

So, when you feel stuck, don’t try to find answers in some stupid pieces of paper with a cute image on them. Ask yourself how it would be if you’d drop the fight. And if you can, decide how you’re life would look like if you’d do it: let go of all the crappy things you think you’ll never have.

You’ll find out that even if you never have all the things you want, there are feelings below these perceived desires that you can have. I projected on the issues wishing to feel at home with myself, feeling relaxed about money, and feeling good about my body.

Focus on that. It’s so much easier when you let go of lack and allow you not to feel stuck anymore. Before you know it, you’ll conclude as I have: I have it all.

Jolanda Bolt
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