When life feels like an initiation
n though I’m in a tremendous creative period of my life, I noticed that this week my creativity went dry. It felt as if I had little to write about for the first time in a long time. Despite that, it didn’t feel bad or something. It felt more like an initiation while I longed for new inspiration.
When I sat with it, I understood that I had more pressing things to work on this week than writing a business blog. I decided to give you an update on what happens in my life right now.
I’m nearing the end of a phase. That often goes with the feeling as if I’m losing speed and my energy gets squeezed. I noticed it early enough to observe the initiation process and take action. It’s good to see that I’m listening to the signs and opt-in for change. I’m happy about it because I’ve also been in similar situations and responded too late to have room for change.
The situation
I spend my time between a small part-time job and this business. It’s about 50/50. I’m taking my time to build the business because I can. I feel no pressure, and I have no problem with taking my time.
The last time I went solo, I did it out of frustration with my then job. Starting a business because you feel you have to make the jump is no way to start a business. I ended up with much anxiety about replacing my paycheck. I learned a lot from that: I’m allowed to take my time (if I ever want to).
There’s this energy in ‘entrepreneur land’ that tells us we need to be without a job as soon as possible, and I don’t share that opinion. We need to feel safe starting a business. Having no money to pay your bills is a shitty way to be an entrepreneur.
In the last couple of months, I noticed how I was nearing the end of my current job, and I looked for a new one. I interviewed this week, and I came out unanimously as the favorite candidate with an option B. All that was between me and a new job was an assessment, which I knew I’d ace. No problem. I know what I’m capable of, and I’m pretty ‘smaht.’
Only doubt
It didn’t feel good. In fact, it felt like a big fat no-no-no-no. It was the first time that I noticed how my intuition is changing. As a mental and spiritual intuitive, I always have *known* what was suitable for me. This time, nothing came through. While I usually know pretty clearly if it is a yes or a no, there was only doubt this time.
The channel echoed in silence, but what did work was a fear on all levels—nauseating fear. It was weird because I had excellent conversations with those energies. Even so, it didn’t feel good. I thought it was strange how a job can look so wonderful and then later turn into the opposite. So I asked for 12 hours of decision time and to call back with my decision the following day, but they pushed me to get a decision out of me. So I decided against it. The maybe became a no—and not just a no: it became a big fat no-no-no-no.
The end of a phase
When you near the end of a phase, you’re being invited to go through an initiation. It’s like a sweat lodge ceremony. You sit in complete darkness, sweating away your old beliefs and habits. Even how hot it can be in a sweat lodge, you’re being invited to sit it out. You’re confronted with old stuff that needs to find its way out through your pores before you can move into the light.
It was only recently
The memory of the whole process is a bit raw still. I felt a bit disappointed that the new job wasn’t what I hoped it would be. I’m also proud that I wasn’t that desperate that I felt forced to reach for the emergency exit in my old job (even though it felt like that a couple of months ago). I now feel I still have the time to find the best solution for myself. I still have time to sweat it out and come out reborn.
A process like this, where you feel squeezed, is like being pushed through a keyhole. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to get through this tiny hole into the next room. It’s almost like a birthing experience. Looking back, I may have plopped through the keyhole because I now feel calm, while it felt pretty traumatic that day when I felt pushed to decide.
Sacred time
When you think about it, this is a sacred time, where I may listen to ancient wisdom—wisdom that I found in my akashic record to create a more aligned life. The new job was not aligned.
By deciding that this wasn’t the right thing, I can move toward the exit with grace because I saw that I had applied to the wrong sort of job. I’m ready for other things (as others have been trying to convince me of).
Setting intentions from this initiation
In my desire to build this business, I need to surround myself with the same people I want to work with. Okay, so I can’t expect my new employer to do akashic records readings as well, but hey, never say never! What if that would be possible? 😊
See that last sentence? What if this would be possible? It’s a sentence that I’ve been working with lately that brings me much fun in setting intentions. It gives me the highest energy of love to create what I want in life. And to work with that energy, it needs to be fun. Asking myself What If… always brings a smile to my face, and I believe that is incredible energy to work with when you set out a new direction. If a smile shows itself as part of this initiation ritual, then I’m okay with it.
Getting rid of old stuff
This initiation process is not something I have to do alone. I have the power of the Universe behind me, and I feel that the people who love me also feel I’m ready for bigger things. I needed that interview to see that it would be a step in the same place instead of stepping up toward my highest possible desire. With this desire, vital force energy flows with ease. After so much doubt, this is something I feel.
It takes a step with courage because it is new, but I don’t have to do this alone. I can ask for support and help from people I know. I don’t need an “I’ll do it alone” kind of energy. Been there, done that. It’s not the best creative energy one needs.
What I need is support from people who love me and want the best for me. That is the most significant creative energy I can step into.
It is my decision when to open the exit and to walk out. But when I do, I do it with grace and ease and leave with good memories instead of frustration.
It is done. It is done. It is done.
This blog came about with the help of…
This blog about an initiation ritual came about with the help of the cards from the Mystical Shaman Oracle Card Deck by Alberto Villoldo, Colette Baron-Reid, and Marella Lobos. Give the deck a bit of time to become a guide, but when once you get going, it’s a biggie!
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