Overcoming obstacles in my author’s journey has become the most significant goal this year. I thought I only had to hit the Publish button, but it turned out to be so much more.
As I finished a journal, I read back a little bit. I saw a deep desire penned down on page 3: I want to publish my book in a way that acknowledges me as the author. I can just upload it and wait until someone notices it, but that would not honor me. It would be a loser way. Harsh huh? I do not really believe I am a loser but I do believe that I tend to walk away from hard things and feel crappy about them afterward. I had the chance to release my books in a way I could be proud of myself. Instead, I either unpublished them or published them silently.
During my 2021 review, I noticed how I am done with that. I want to overcome obstacles that keep me from doing a “grown-up” book release. What I want is to live according to my Divine Soul Blueprint. While I have always been a writer (I started early at age six), I am not so good at what is mentioned in the third gift: Delivering in the spotlight. When it comes to this, I am weirdly split. I am very good at delivering speeches or teaching a class. I like doing that. And still, publishing a book or launching a program is where I find my obstacles. People are not allowed to know I am a writer of metaphysical books.
I have probably been burnt at the stakes as a witch for being good at something. Maybe even been burnt at the stakes. 😊 Just kidding! I do not know why this offers all kinds of obstacles and presenting something is not. But I want to overcome obstacles in my way.
But once I got the plan in mind that I wanted a grown-up book release, I felt anxious and stressed about the what, how, and when aspects of the goal. Not just a little bit, but heart palpitations all over the place. And still, I wanted it.
So I pulled out my Akashic Records Tarot deck to find some answers with a reading. I used a spread by Hermitsmirror: Telling Your Story, a spread for creating new narratives. I needed a new narrative and to overcome obstacles in my journey for sure!
The Akashic Records Tarot is a bit of a different tarot deck. It is not a traditional deck (or I have not discovered it yet). I see it as a mix between an oracle deck and a tarot deck. It is divided into Major Arcana and Minor Arcana cards as a regular tarot deck. Still, it has fewer cards in the latter part (only ten per suit instead of fourteen). For this reading, I needed to use the booklet more than I am used to. This tarot deck is not a Rider-Waite clone which made it more of a learning curve to work with.
The spread and cards
- Description/Theme: Divine Physician (6)
- Major Past Struggle: 5 of Forces – Winter (Reversed)
- Pivotal Future Event: Archangel Michael
- Overriding Concern for overcoming obstacles: The Akashic Library (2)
- Emotional Undercurrent: 5 of Keys – Wishes Fulfilled
- Unspoken Fear: 2 of Roses – Winged Messengers (Reversed)
- Irrational passion: Will, Wisdom, and Mind (20) (Reversed)
- Driving Ambition: The Lookout (17)
- Primary Obstacle: 6 of Keys – Increscent Moon
- Description/Theme: Divine Physician (6)
Usually, I do not read with reversed cards, so when I saw three of them turn up, it gave me a feeling of dread, even though there was no reason. Reversed cards can be positive but also challenging.
1. Description/Theme: Divine Physician (6)
The theme of this reading is one of self-care and healing. The project at hand can bring that when I manage to keep going. One thing to keep in mind is to listen to the words I use when taking action. Words and thoughts are a vital ingredients of healing and what I have to bring into the world. They are essential ingredients for the Divine Physician.
Knowing that I have “stuff” to heal in stepping forward with my creations, I am invited to do so (otherwise, it would not have popped up as a desire). It holds an excellent opportunity to live toward my Divine Soul Blueprint more and more.
2. Major Past Struggle: 5 of Forces – Winter (Reversed)
For a long time, I have been living with an inward focus. It started before the pandemic with its lockdowns, but the turning inward increased during the last two years. I did not see a lot of people, even when I could. I was processing many things that happened in my life over the last decades. But it is time to step out of this.
I need to remember that now that I am making plans again because it is Spring, I focus on keeping that soft and relaxed focus. There is no need to become stressed. It is natural to stick your head up like a crocus or daffodil.
3. Pivotal Future Event: Archangel Michael (9)
Archangel Michael is the channel of Divine Power. It is so funny, but this happens to be my second Energy Center (that I call talents). He brings great strength and support. When embodying that power, I can make decisions and choices from freedom. At the same time, this is what I lose first when I do not embrace this superpower.
From that strength point, I created a strategy to publish my book – one that no longer overwhelms me (which is not channeling the power from Archangel Michael). How interesting that two different methods have so much overlap!
Michael tells me to trust my convictions, strength, and resourcefulness. I have got this! He supports me by developing even greater strength, force, and initiative. This is indeed something I have noticed, I have been more productive than ever, and materials needed in the publishing process flow from me with ease. With him on my team, I cannot not succeed.
He tells me to not procrastinate but to keep going to make my dream come true. This is not just a dream but a soul-based aspect of who I am. I am here to communicate and share my ideas. Nice card for overcoming obstacles.
4. Overriding Concern for overcoming obstacles: The Akashic Library (2)
My overriding concern is symbolized by the second card of the Major Arcana, the Akashic Library. It indicates writing or publishing a book, but it can also indicate an initiation – an ability to manifest a new life in every way. Well, no shit Sherlock!
Listening to the call of being a writer was one thing, but publishing was another. Publishing a blog is one thing, but a book is another! I have continuously published but not in the form of my highest standard. Doing so is indeed a new life altogether.
Deciding to live according to my Akashic Record was like saying yes to opportunities – also ones that you would rather say no to. For a while, over the last two years, I got reminders that something was coming up.
It needed a vast decluttering process before it could take place. Years ago, this started on the physical level when I started to dig out our home to bring it into a beautiful upgraded state in January this year. But there was also emotional and mental decluttering needed by getting rid of certain stories and ideas. I am not finished yet, more is on the way, but knowing that Archangel Michael is by my side (and my husband), I know I have this.
The opposite is also true: I can make or break the journey.
5. Emotional Undercurrent: 5 of Keys – Wishes Fulfilled
It is interesting how the “right” cards appear when you are on an aligned path. I like hearing I am on the right path. It feels reassuring. The Five of Keys indicates abundance and bounty. It says that the time has come for my wishes to be fulfilled.
Yup, bring it in!
Over the last few years, I have worked very hard. I went from hitting rock bottom with my business, anxiety, an eating disorder, and a shitty job to choosing to live my Akashic Record. I made changes that felt scary but turned out to be exciting.
It is all about the words you use. Like the difference between anxiousness and excitement, they feel the same for me.
I said this whole author’s journey was scary for a long time until I noticed it was a fun kind of scared feeling. It was exciting. From that moment on, my progress went faster. I still hit snags in the road. Sometimes, it feels difficult, overwhelming, and scary when I do not know how to do things. Luckily, the whole book publishing journey can be figured out online through a short course. I’ve done both, and I feel in control now. Once I figure out how to do certain things, I move forward again.
As the card indicates, the castle’s keys are mine, which is a great reason to celebrate.
6. Unspoken Fear: 2 of Roses–Winged Messengers (Reversed)
Looking at this card, you see a white dove flying above a table laid out for tea. One of the cups has fallen over, and with that hawk flying into the scene with a message in its beak, it feels disruptive to me.
It points to my unspoken fear that this publishing project will massively disrupt my newly found peace. Finally, I have created a life without “stuff,” and I disrupt the whole thing by publishing a book. My energy has been rebuilt, and I do not want to challenge it.
And still… I want it. I guess I am just a bit anxious to step into overcoming obstacles, which is okay. The Power of Spirit (symbolized by the hawk) will support me. I channel its message. It is only one word: trust.
Yes. Trust is an important word for me. I tend to lose it when I do new things, things I do not master yet, and still, I know I have tremendous power to undertake new things.
7. Irrational passion: Will, Wisdom, and Mind (20) (Reversed)
When I am anxious, I tend to overthink things and doubt myself. Anxiousness is positioned across from the desire to take on this project. Sometimes it feels like being torn into two pieces and still wanting it.
When I do this, I can remember to drop the fight and reconnect with my Guides Team. My guides connect me with Will, Wisdom, and Mind. With the participation of the Ascended Masters, I can rise to a higher power and purpose. I combine the fire of receptive inspiration with emotional creativity to contribute to the world.
After leaving the shitty job, I ended up in heaven with the new one. At the beginning of the year (three months into the new job), I had an appointment with my manager to set up the goals for the year. One of the questions I needed to prepare was about where I wanted to be in five or ten years.
The true answer was that I wanted to have at least two more books on my list, but I worried it would come across as ambitionless. But I was wrong. When I explained to my manager what I wanted she liked it! As I said: heaven! Now I did not have to do some kind of training that I did not want to, and I could focus on writing in my spare time. Agreeing to a course would not be authentic.
8. Driving Ambition: The Lookout (17)
This card shows a challenge, and it is vital to keep my balance. The man on the card looks toward the card on the left (see layout Hermitsmirror, card 8 is looking toward card 4 (Overriding concern, The Akashic Library). It indicates I need to look out toward writing the next chapter of my life. I pondered this connection for a long time before I understood what I needed. I need the second half of my life to be a better one. This is about hope at a minimum, with trust as the highest value.
But it is also about my effort to make it a better half. What am I willing to do, and how far am I willing to go to make it better than the last couple of decades? What am I willing to try, and what am I adamant about doing? It all still needs a lot of journaling to find the answers to that.
I celebrated my fifty-fifth birthday not too long ago, and I realized that I could retire from work in about twelve years. If I want. While you may think that I do not look my age in the photos on this website, think again, they are about five years old, and I should make some new ones, but I do not feel I have the time for it. Yeah, I know. I should have posted a spoiler alert, but I feel you will survive this shock. If not, please get over it. It is not the point I wanted to make.
Anyway, realizing I only have twelve years to go before retirement was a bit of a shock to me. The question of ambition creeps up. What drives me? What comes up first is that I want to have a backlist by then, and I want to keep writing at my own pace. Preventing stress becomes more essential every year. It is so not worth it. Stressing over something has never brought me anything good.
Writing is something I can do for a long time, still. It is what I am good at and what I feel is fun. And I can do it after retirement for years to come.
9. Primary Obstacle: 6 of Keys – Increscent Moon
The primary obstacles I face are dark or dimly lit situations. Let me explain. The Six of Keys indicates an exciting time of abundance and growth. There is an excellent opportunity for increase and fulfillment. Just do your work and get ready to receive it.
The artist on the card works in the evening by candlelight and the moon’s light. To do this, he mainly needs to work by feeling. That is how he can concentrate on the small details of his work. He needs to trust how his projects feel to know which details still need work. This signifies I need to keep going, do the work, and get ready to receive.
It is especially challenging to trust my feelings because I tend to forget to feel to know if my projects are good or not. I have felt the shit out of this book. It is a solid yes.
This reading helped me see it was a good idea to try overcoming obstacles to become an author. I decided it is all in my Akashic Record. The talent comes from Divine Communication and Divine Power, the desire to intuitively work with tarot (and oracle) cards, and the talent to be in the limelight (even when this is reluctant because this is the scary part of it all) all come together in this book release project. It can be challenging, but at the same time, it is healing past struggles. Even though it is a shitload of work, it feels as if it comes along with ease. I need a lot of commitment to show up at my desk every time, but I am here almost every day.
What I learned
What I learned recently is that anxiousness and excitement are two related feelings. They share a fast heartbeat and breathing. There is good and bad stress, but there is a beginning and ending to all stress. Even good stress can be too much sometimes. It is essential to say yes to opportunities presented to you. It is the shortest route to fulfillment.
On the other side, I am scared that the possible success this reading indicates will disrupt my recently found peace. I am not willing to jeopardize that. But Spirit tells me to trust myself (and them). It will work out. Luckily my work situation has improved heaps and I do not experience any obstacles anymore. It gives me a solid financial foundation with room to work on my other ambitions.
To make the second half of my life a better one, I need to find out. More journaling for me!
The only way to create that better life is by creating it consciously and feeling how it makes me feel. It is the artist’s way of making beautiful things without focusing on obstacles all the time.
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