Many people have something in common that I’d like to call their ‘stuck story.’ It is the story you tell yourself all the time, about how
- awful it is to [fill in the blanks…],
- how hard it is to [fill in the blanks…],
- how boring it is only to [fill in the blanks], and everything in between.
The story you tell yourself has nothing to do with your desire to live an aligned life and be happy. Not a thing. It has everything to do with how you look at yourself, your reality, your ability to make decisions and take aligned action when needed.
I have told myself stories over and over until I was sick and tired of it.
A stuck story can be about a lot of things: money, weight, your business, your career. Anything.
In a stuck story, you tell yourself why it is impossible for you to earn more or to achieve more abundance in your life. It can be about deserving, being not good enough, or impossible things.
When I still had my weight-loss business, I told myself lots of stories. I believe that those stories were why I
failed ‘learned so many uber valuable life lessons.’ I was tired. I had no inspiration. I’d rather work behind the scenes. I had visibility fear. You name it; I used it. I hired coaches, many. But every time I heard an explanation of why my business was ‘failing’ I turned it into a belief. I even used theories and wild guesses as truths to give myself a reason not to do anything anymore. At some point, the stories weren’t playing in the foreground anymore but started to use a more sneaky strategy – all the way in the background, they could repeat themselves over and over, where my consciousness didn’t pick up on them, but my subconscious did.
The Truth Behind My Story
The truth was: I hated my business. With all my heart. With a vengeance. I didn’t want to do it, nor did I want to be associated with it.
The other truth was: I was taught never to give up – always to keep going, no whining, no moaning. Do what is your responsibility and make sure you earn a living with it. That last part was something I ‘got’ from my mom. As a woman who grew up in a post-war environment, where women very slowly got some freedom, she got married early, at 22, had her first child at 23. When I think back to who I was at 23, I hadn’t even started yet, finding out who I was and what I wanted. She had a teacher’s degree and got stuck at home with a child. Compared to my mother’s, my life was radically different.
One thing she told me and my sisters was: “Alway make sure you earn your own money.” I know it was frustrating for her to be stuck at home. She wanted to work, but there were five kids to take care of.
I tried everything that my story allowed me to
I hated my business, and I hated that job I had left behind to start my business but I had nothing to go back to. All I knew was to keep going and work my ass off to create business success. But I had no income. I barely earned enough to cover the office expenses but never came around to pay myself. So I cut back on expenses: I moved out of the office space and into the spare bedroom at home, I moved my services online, and… nothing happened.
I hired another coach to design a signature program. It was a great program I made. But I pulled it back a week after launch. Officially because I needed to tweak it up. Unofficially, I was scared shitless.
What would people say when they found out that I was a crap weight loss coach? And OMG, the typos. There were so many typos. And no, the photo’s were bad as well. It was no good, no good at all. I was sure nobody wanted to buy that program. After a couple of pre-launch weeks, there were no sales to report.
I was devastated.
And I hated it.
The truth behind my stuck story
The truth was, I wanted out. I didn’t want to do weight-loss business anymore. I told myself that it was not done to come from an entrepreneurial family and quite your business. It was out of the question. Besides that, I saw bad examples online. I only saw ads to quit the 9-5 and that it was ‘heaven’ to be a business owner. I couldn’t say I agreed, but I could not say it.
All I wanted to have the business I have now. I wanted to go back to my tarot card business and work intuitively. I wanted to have fun… All I wanted was to be happy. And I wasn’t.
It took me three more years of agony before I allowed myself to delete the whole business and start over. A year ago, I made a bold move and asked someone for a job because I was the best option he had at that moment. Three days a week, I work for him, and I’m having a ball serving the CEO and the supervisory board of a health care organization. I have more freedom than I ever had in my business. Every time I receive my paycheck, there’s this grin from ear to ear because I feel this is the easiest money I’ve ever earned. It gives me the possibility to build this business slowly in a way that feels good.
If your life stucks
If your life sucks, it is not just that. It is the manifestation that bugs you but also the emotional and mental effect it has on you. Often the story you tell yourself is heavier than the manifestation. It is constant mental punishment, and it feels unsafe to take action. So you end up doing nothing and suffering from your past decisions.
I know that there are a lot of people who have an unfortunate history. Bad things happen. Small things can also have a tremendous influence, like being passed for a promotion or being ridiculed by someone in school. People do awful things to each other. But often, these things have happened in the past. How long do you want to hang on to the story you tell yourself due to that? Obviously, the traumatic stuff needs treatment, but what I’ve noticed is that people find freedom once they drop the fight on things they’ve held on to for too long.
All those experiences help the story that hides in your cells. It’s safe there because you don’t want to be confronted with your pain, insecurities, and unworthiness. But it will keep you stuck. It is easier to stay the way they are and not stir up the whole thing for some. But it is also making them unhappy because they want to shine. You want to be happy, follow your soul path, to be out there, do what gives you a good feeling, love yourself, and appreciate what you see when you look down towards your feet.
So let’s stop it right here. Stop telling yourself that upsetting story and work on the things that keep you from simply taking care of yourself and creating a life you truly want.
Knowing your stuck story is essential to change your life. If you tell yourself that change is hard, you bet it will be hard. When you tell yourself that you’re not up for the job, then no, nothing will change. But if you tell yourself that you’re determined to find out, then yes, your life will be different in a year.
It’s how your desire, your intention, and your thoughts work together. In this case, your thoughts will have the last vote.